Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose

This is Lee's new favorite song. (He's busy studying for con law so I thought that I would post it for him)

sushi?

So one of the benefits of being extremely ADHD is the ability to go off on whims/tangents on an almost daily basis that sometimes results in some pretty awesome times around the Saunders' household. I usually end up dragging Heather over to the house to attempt my "new ideas" with me... last time it was making ravioli... didn't end up so well.

Wednesday it was making sushi! Turned out pretty well for our first time... and we made black bean spicy aioli to go with... mmmm good.

Kudos to Lee for being patient with me and humoring me by taking the pictures of the sushi.

I know, I'm a dork... but at least I make (some) things fun as long as you forget about the amount of time and money that it takes to make these "whims" happen! :-)

Spare some Change?

Apparently with the election approaching, the "buzz" word is.... change. Which is odd because I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Only unlike the politicians who are currently promising the world through "change" I have begun to realize that the more I think on the subject the more pessimistic I become.

I may be jaded... I confess, I am a creature of habit... but who isn't? Everyday you wake up, dress, drive the same route, park in the same spot,... as the day previous. For the most part, people tend to resist change simply because it takes too much effort. I know I have stayed at a job, stayed in bed, procrastinated... simply because it would take a great deal of effort and motivation to stop doing what I was doing to start something new. That's the thing about change... you have to stop doing something to begin anew (as in, admit what you were doing before wasn't working... and then determine the new thing is going to be worth the effort to change).

I know in my own life, change has usually resulted in good things...relationships, locations, stuff. I really have no reason to be pessimistic. But then I take for example, some of the kids that I have worked with. Or my experiences with their crappy families. And my outlook on the "rosiness" of change dims a great deal. In the past 3 months, 2 of my former kids that I have worked with have been shot and killed in separate attacks. Another kid has unfortunately stayed true to his word when he told he that he "wanted to kill someone" and yet a few other continue to utilize the revolving door to the jail system for various misdemeanors and felonies. 3-4 years later... they are older, yet in the same crap if not worse. 85% of kids that I have worked with will have improvement in their situations or outlook/attitudes on life... none. And only 4.3% will make a "significant" improvement on their lives. From the outside it seems hope-less. No change, just crap.

You can argue that they are not motivated to change. Or that their surroundings/family/culture do not encourage nor allow for change in their lives. But at the end of the day, it comes down to the simple fact that for most of them, it was just too difficult to "be better" and change. And they are just kids?


People want to believe in change. They want to believe that the world could be better. That they themselves could change to be better. They just don't want to put the effort into actually doing it.

Do I believe in change? Yes, a million times yes. Just not change based in the promises of politicians, the frustrations of the destitute, or the ramblings of the misinformed.

"May integrity and honesty protect me for I choose to put my hope in You." Psalm 25:21

I Remember....

Well, this post is a few days late, but as most things that I don't like or am unsure of how to articulate, I put it off..

Anyways, last Thursday was the 7th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on our country. I suppose this blog is just to say that amidst everything else that is going on in my life... I remember 9/11.

I remember....sleeping through Spanish class and waking up to a phone call with the news
I remember....the first sight of the awful scene
I remember....the sick feeling that I had in my stomach for days on end
I remember....getting the phone call to ask me to go through my and a neighbor's dorm to ask each girl if they were ok or needed to talk
I remember....my friend Lauren bringing me a polar bear and leaving it on my bed in the hopes that it would bring a smile to my face (it did).
I remember....the dead silence in Marshbanks cafeteria
I remember....being very very angry and confused
I remember....random strangers on campus that I didn't ever remember meeting asking me how I was doing
I remember... feeling so proud of all of the flags all over campus
I remember.... my best friend Rachael's voicemails over the course of the 2 days...and hearing the sirens in the background on her phone
I remember.... wanting to drive to NY and quickly as I could, and then wanting to drive as far away from NY as I could in the next moment
I remember...having to write an opinion paper on my thoughts about social psychology that evening, and for once in my life, finding not a single word to put down
I remember....my criminal justice professor crying and spending 2 full days of class in prayer
I remember....getting into an argument with one of my residents who told me that I was a sinner for being in support of a war over the attacks
I remember....hugging Belle Darden on the quad as we walked to CEP and trying to help her write a prayer that she was supposed to give to the students even though we both had our thoughts on our friends and family in NYC.
I remember....the email that I got to say that my uncle was covered in dust... but ok
I remember....seeing my friend Luke agonize over whether his dad at the Pentagon was ok (he was)
I remember....the phone call from my friend John - that his dad wasn't ok and wouldn't ever be
I remember....the way our country came together over a common cause
I remember....the pictures- the 3 fireman, our President and the fire chief
I remember....watching the memorial and hearing them read over 2000 names
I remember.... seeing "God Bless the USA" on a strip club sign
I remember...."America Bless God"
I remember....waiting more than 5 years to see the World Trade Center movie - and crying through it like it happened yesterday
I remember....going to the city for the 1st time and seeing the enormous pit of nothing...
I remember....making a mural in Chele's place of Ground Zero
I remember....the feeling of pride in country songs that reminded us of all that was lost on that day (Where were you when the world stopped turning? Courtesy of the Red White and Blue).
I remember....going for drives to nowhere to try to make sense of it all
I remember....the first time someone suggested that we should not make such "a big deal" about 9/11... and the intense anger that erupted in me over it
I remember....the first anniversary, and the second, and still the 7th
I remember....



Do you?

the boys...

Lee and Robert Wii- boxing

HA! :-)

CU Football

Well, Despite our AC going out the morning of, and our dogs being "home alone" (they loved it) all day, Lee and I packed up and headed down to good ol' Campbell to see their latest attempt to become like all other colleges... first co-ed dorms, now FOOTBALL! It was a beautiful day, just 100 degrees! My makeup literally melted off of my face, but not before its SPF power spared my face from getting burned... too bad Lee does not wear makeup... he was as red as a tomato by the end of the day!

In usual Campbell fashion,... we lost at the end by 6 points. But I must admit (start your recorders here), they did much better than I anticipated. They actually looked like a football team! But i had a much rosier view of them before I found out that their opponents only started their football team last year!