Remember, and Never Forget

I posted this Sept 11 2009, a few weeks before we found out that I was preggers with Addie-cat.  It still holds true today...

Taken 9/11/02 From the Times of London by Tony Parsons:

"ONE year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broadcasting- the mass murder of thousands, live on televesion. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol Pot's mountain of skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration camps.

An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one thing - no one deserves this fate. Surely there could be consensus: the victims were truly innocent and the perpetrators truly evil.

But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance. Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last year. There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in this country - too loud, too rich, too full of themselves and so much happier than Europeans - but it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to me. More than that, it turns my stomach.
America is this country's greatest friend and our staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture, language, and blood. A little over half of a century ago, around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own. How have we forgotten so soon? And, exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women, and children - not just Americans, but from dozens of countries - were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. How are we so quick to betray them?

What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes was that we recognized them. Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and daughter, husband and wife. And children, some of them unborn. And these people brought it upon themselves? And their nation is to blame for their meticulously planned slaughter? How?

These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the "Great Satan." The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the 3rd World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission.

The truth is that America has behaved with ENORMOUS restraint since September 11, 2001.

Remeber the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you" before they were burned alive. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers.

Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.

Remember, and realize, that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like they way they could have.

So a few al-Quaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-Ray? Please do pass the Kleenex.

So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics into a sky full of American planes? A shame, but perhaps next time they should stick to confetti.

AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into a PARKING LOT. That it didn't is in of itself, a sign of its great strength.

American voices are already being raised against attacking Iraq. That's what democracy is for. How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence fo the slaughtered innocents of 9/11? How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abhorant abomination?

When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom loving Palestinans were dancing in the streets! America watched all of that - and never pushed the button. We should all thank the stars that America is the most powerful nation in the world. I still find it absolutely incredible that 9/11 di not provoke all out war. No, not a "war on terrorism" but all out war. A real war.

The fundamentalists dudes are talking about "opening the gates of hell," if America attacks Iraq. Well, America could have opened up the gates of hell that you would have never had believed.

The US is the most militarily powerful nation that has ever strode the face of this earth.

The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the planned war in Iraq may be misconceived.

But don't blame America for not bringing peace and light to those wretched countries. Exactly how many democracies are there in the Middle East ore in the Muslim world? You can count them all on the fingers of one hand - assuming that you haven't had any chopped off for minor shoplifting offenses.

I love America, yet America is hated. I gues that makes me Bush's poodle. But, I would rather be a dog in New York City than a Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, strong, free, open, and optimistic.

Not ground down by the past, or religion, or some caste system. America is the best friend that this country ever had and we as a British people should start remembering that a bit more often.

Or do you REALLY think that the USA is the root of ALL evil? Tell it to the lvoed ones of the men and the women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.

Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.

And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department. To our shame, President Bush gets worse press than Saddam Hussein.

Once were were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds, tortured his own peopel, and set up rape camps in Kuwait. Now were are told that he likes Quality Street.

Remember, Remember, Please REMEMBER, September 11. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed that day against America.

No, please, hear me, PLEASE, do more than remember....

Never forget."

15 Months and Counting

Yesterday Addie was 15 months old - I don't have all of the stats just yet but for those interested she now:

Weighs around 23.6 pounds (she loves standing on the scale and watching it light up with numbers)... that will change my dear girl!

Stands around 2.5 feet tall

Loves - Elmo, going outside, and Pooh Bear (if you say any of those words she freaks out if you don't produce them in rapid fashion), climbing into the fridge and sitting on the bottom shelf, baths or water sprinklers, slides and climbing toys, watching TV on Daddy's lap, carrying purses around the house, playing on a computer keyboard

Says with Recognition (pointing) - Elmo, Pooh, puppy, Mama, Dada, ZsaZsa (PaPaw's dog who recently passed away), MaMaw, PaPaw, Poppy, Gigi, Andie, Monkey, Pizza (her current favorite), More, Up, Down, No, Outside, Bee

Says without Recognizing always - Cracker, Duckie, Paige (Pay), Done

She's growin' up pretty quickly and entering the "fun" phase - we took her to the water splashpark this past weekend and she was braver than some of the older kids running through the sprays.

I got your crazy

I posted a blog similar to this one back when I was 8 months preggers here and I must confess, I really thought that would be the end of the "crazy."  Or so I thought.  Addie-cat is gonna be 15 months next week... and me, well, I still have a few, some, ok, more than my fair share of "crazy" moments still.

Truth be told, I hate it.  Absolutely hate how I feel out of control sometimes.  How I have the patience of a toddler in the midst of their terrible 2's some days.  How I can get worked up and actually angry over something as simple as a decision my poor husband made that he thought would make me happy but obviously didn't.

I blamed it on the hormones for a long time.  Probably longer than I should have.  In all reality it probably is a combination of a few things - some lingering hormone imbalances, a lot more stress in my life, a ton more responsibility in my life, and less sleep than I'd rather.

But it doesn't really matter.  God's pretty clear on this one - "Be thankful in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thes 5:18)

Thankful when I come home to a pile of dirty clothes, dishes, and dog hair everywhere....yeah, not so much.
Thankful when Addie reaches out to pat my hair with hands full of spaghetti sauce...cute, but thankful?
Thankful when bills outnumber the advertisements in my mailbox.... uhm....

So I started looking online - not sure what I was looking for, but I came across 30 Day Challenge to Wives   Being one that can't resist a challenge I'm going to try to do it - Maybe I'll conquer my "crazy" moments once and for all and return to nice, happy, calm, fun-loving, energetic, thoughtful Crystal of  old.... gosh, looking at that list, I sure thought well of myself back then ;-)

"Call me crazy?  I gots your crazy!"

just hopefully not for long

M.I.A.

Monday afternoon began like every other afternoon - headed home from work, hung out with Addie, and even got to see Lee since he was off.  Started to cook dinner, had an ADHD moment and forgot half of the ingredients that I needed for dinner. Sent Lee to the store and heard him drive up in the driveway.  Mustered up the courage to let him know that I had also forgotten 2 other things that we needed and that he was going to have to return to the store.  Listened to Lee laugh at me for forgetting things and remind me to speak now or forever hold my piece because he was NOT going back to the store a 3rd time.

And then, it happened. Right there on my cutting board.  Amidst the lettuce, cilantro, and onions I was patiently dicing for taco night.  The tip of my left thumb went MIA.  Well, not MIA actually.  Just missing from hand.  I knew where it was, could see it laying there on my knife.  Just no longer attached to my finger. So i guess MFF would be more appropriate.

I'm gonna miss that tip, she was a good one.

A Poor Idea...

I was reading online this morning and heard mention in a few comments of  something ridiculous happening in DC (other than Congress, budgets, and debt talks).  I searched for awhile and found this article over here.

Wow.  That's about all I have to say on that.  Wonder how those poor firefighters think about the city putting them into a firefight of a whole other kind?  Wonder how the police officers feel about the city basically saying that they are not doing a good enough job and can be replaced by big shiny fire trucks who, if they should see something, will simply call the police.

How is that different than a city-paid neighborhood watch program?  Bet if they kept the firefighters actually fighting fire and not sitting in trucks watching for crime, they might be able to afford more cadets to go through the academy to actually do some police work!

My guess is that it will last until some hoodlum either pranks the fire trucks, or ends up injuring a fire fighter... then the community will make some noise about the ridiculousness of this.  Everyone seems to like fire fighters.... so do I , I just happen to like them fighting fires and taking care of accidents with medic... not patrolling the streets with fire extinguishers.

Just like I love my police officers, patrolling the streets with more than a water gun.

Married to the Badge

Lee's been a police officer for more than 3 years now so I have to say that there are few times now that I actually sit back and think about life as a police wife being different.  It's the new "normal" so I forget at times that it is so different than what a lot of my friend's lives are like.

For the most part, regardless of job, most of them physically see their spouses on a daily basis.  And awake too!  Their phones ring with an unknown number and their first thought is annoyance at a sales call, not anxiety that something has gone wrong.  They are usually able to answer the question, "so, what does your husband do?" without having to pause and wait for 1) a barrage of complaints of the person's last interaction with a police officer, 2) a story about the person's friend's encounter with a police officer, or 3) a look of pity and comments either berating the police, or how horrible it must be to be saddled with one.  Sure, sleep is hard to come by, there are some long and lonely nights, and hearing your husband's profession constantly mocked and dragged through the mud is no fun.  And then, there are some odd things about being married to a cop - places you just "can't" go, difficulty being in crowds, learning to live with an always on edge/high alert husband...

Yep, those are most of the things that people think about or talk about when the topic of being married to a cop comes up.  Mostly negative, not a whole lot of hope, and a lot of awkward conversations (as if I don't have enough ease pouncing right into awkwardness already!)

But today I wanted to bring up of the positives.  Call it false hope, ignorance is bliss, or what have you, there are actually a lot of positives about being married to a cop:

- Random days off in the middle of the week - he may not be home for Saturday nights but he can hit up a movie with you on a Tuesday afternoon at matinee prices

- More time with his kids - Lee gets to see Addie 3 or 4 hours every morning and often gets full days off to spend with her - not many high powered execs in their glass walls can say that

- Who wouldn't want to know the current or projected status of every single license plate that passes you while you drive in the car?  "That tag's expired, that one is past it's 30 days, that one doesn't look right..."

- Pride - every cop I pass makes me think of my husband, I feel so proud of him and the job these guys and gals do everyday.  Plus, there are few things hotter than getting to see your man come home each night in full uniform.

- Husband is off in the mornings so he can pull food out of the freezer, finish the laundry, and grab last minute things at the store that you forgot to do before leaving for work (when you're as ADD as I am, this is quite convenient!)

- Their instinctual reach for the blue lights when they see someone driving crazily is kinda funny as you're driving along in your personal truck on your way to church

- It's slightly amusing when you joke with them that you're gonna punch them if they don't stop "x", and without missing a beat they reply with all of the citations and misdemeanors you could be charged with

- Lastly, there is the old adage - I can feel safe at night cause I sleep with a cop :-)

Another Try

I've been "dark" from the blogging world for quite some time now. Not that I haven't been checking up on my favorite bloggers, or paying attention to twitter and facebook feeds. I've just been trying to rethink and focus this blog.

I know, this ADHD-er just said "focus" HA! Anyways, from here on out I will be making some changes and updates to the blog. At the suggestion of some friends I'll be adding some cooking info, some couponing stuff (yes Shara, I may even include a groupon link or two ;-) ). Lastly, I plan to start to incorporate some of my current life point of view as a police wife. Lee suggested it earlier in the year as a cathartic way to help make police life more approachable to other gals and apparently it took me more than 6 months to decide that was a pretty good idea!

Lee's been really busy at work lately and had a part in a high-profile call here in Charlotte last Friday.

More on that later in the week.

Almost a year later...

AI've put off writing this post for quite some time, mainly because I wasn't really sure what to say.

People ask you a lot of questions when you are pregnant/a mother. Lots of the time I just make stuff up to say - half of the time saying something off the wall to be a smart alec and to point out the inappropriateness of asking such personal/random questions of people. (spoiler alert), yes, that means that no, I really am not waiting for Addie to clean my entire house, nor do I expect her to actually speak her mind to tell me what she wants -it's just way easier to say than the obvious - yes, I am aware my house is a wreck and the floor needs to be dusted/vacuumed/mopped - and if I knew why my daughter was crying don't you think I would be doing what she needed to stop it?

Seriously, people ask the most random of questions. But I really didn't have much of an answer to these so I just dodged them - how did it feel for you to have your daughter in the NICU for a week? What was it like for you to go home without your baby? Aren't you worried about her having more seizures or having lasting damage from them? and the most recent - Have you been thinking a lot about where you were at this time last year now that Addie is about to be 1 years old? To be blunt, I try not to talk too much about that week for a plethora of reasons. 1) I feel badly talking about it because so many others parent's stories are way worse than mine and ended up badly... I got my baby and she seems fine - so I feel guilty about talking about it. 2) Speaking of guilt, I feel a lot of that - whether or not I really could have done anything about it, the fact remains that I feel guilty - for being stubborn about a C-section, for not switching doctors at the beginning, for not saying something to the nurses sooner or not demanding they watch her more... for a lot of reasons really. It was so weird today - one of our friends had a baby at the same hospital that we had Addie. Addie and I went up to see them and it was surreal. They had Andrea, the same baby nurse that Addie had. The whole time there felt so odd - the drive there was familiar - we drove it more than 20 times in a week. Everything seemed the same, like time had stood still - yet things were drastically different. I wanted to take her to the NICU to see Ms. Donna - to remind her how much her work means to people.

11 months and 2 weeks ago was one of the best days of my life - regardless of how it happened, we go to meet our little girl and I thought that the "hard part" was over. Not that that I thought parenting would be easy, but that since her birth was so difficult, the "drama" was over and we could go home and just be happy together. Flash forward to day 2 of my life when within the period of 30 min we went from putting our new baby into her car seat to go home, to watching her be whisked away by a team of physicians going to perform a myriad of tests on her and we could just " go grab lunch or take a walk..." Right. It felt like a never-ending sucker punch to the gut. Honestly I didn't talk a lot about it because I didn't have the words to say - everything I could think of seemed undeserving of the situation. It was surreal and odd and unnatural to go home and sleep at home for longer than I did when I was at work. I came home the first night and closed her door and didn't' reopen it until we came home later that week, baby in tow.

I've been thinking about exactly "how I feel" about Addie turning one. I was telling Lee the other day that I think the appropriate word is oddly "relieved." Most blogs of moms that I read say "scared" or "sad I'm losing my baby" or something to that aspect. I say relieved because I think that this next year will be the start of something new. Because of the seizures and because of the drama of her birth, Addie was left with 2 spots on her brain that are dead - and no one knew what ramifications (if any) they would carry. I feel like I haven't really breathed in the past year - every twitch, every odd cry, every milestone, I feel like I've watched every move she's made and checked off an imaginary checklist. Sit - check. Crawl - check. Words - check. Steps - check. And finally walk - check. I finally feel like we can be normal and not be hypersensitive about her development. I heard the doctors last summer when they said that we didn't have to worry- but at that point I was over pretty much anything the doctors had to say looking at their track record.

So relieved that this past year is almost over. It's been a great one. I really never knew that I could be so happy and that I'd actually be ok with and almost enjoy having to get up early on a Saturday. There is nothing like rolling out of bed and walking into her room to see her smiling face pop up over the crib railing. These next few years will probably be my favorite until she is in high school - and I couldn't be more excited to live life with my little girl, hubby, and pups.

Some women say they are born to be mothers, others say you learn as you go. Me, I was thrown into the deep end - but I've learned that I can swim.

11 Months

It was slightly strange to realize that this will be the last "month" celebration of significance... next up 1 year old! Holy. cow. ... Ok, past that, we officially have a toddler on our hands - Addie started to toddle around somewhere around 10-10.5 months... and started taking steps somewhere after that.

However, her preferred method of transportation remained crawling... until Thursday. 12 consecutive steps later, she know prefers to crawl to something, pull up, and then walk until she falls again. She's getting pretty good at it too.

Her favorite things to crawl to are...the puppies obviously. (what, did you think I would say Lee or I? ha!) no such luck, Addie waaay prefers the pooches to either of us.

In other news, she's learning to use a spoon - I use that term loosely. Mainly I mean her stubborn streak is apparently here to stay and she refuses to allow us to feed her... but it takes about 2 times the amount of food with her "feeding herself". Oh well, what extra we spend on her food we are making up by less to have to feed the dogs.

She's around 30.5 inches and 23 pounds. Stats to come for the grandparents after she turns ONE YEAR.

In and Out

No, I'm not about to quote Kevin Kline's 90's movie "In and Out" . Today marks Addie being "out" in the world a few hours longer than she was "in" me. It is crazy ridiculous to believe that she has been on the outside longer than the time it took her to "bake."

It has been the craziest 9.5 months... I didn't know that I could be so tired, happy, and terrified at the same time. We have been so blessed by a generally happy and social baby and can't imagine life without her at this point! The past 9 months have completely put our lives in a 180 degree turn - it is almost funny to think of what I did before I had her in my "spare time."

In other news, she had her first case of pink eye last week, cut 2 teeth, and has learned to blow kisses back to you. She has got a stubborn streak like no other too - no idea where that could possibly come from. She is proving to be a charmer though, she has already learned that if she caught doing something she is not supposed to - she will crack a smile or blow a kiss to see if that will change your unpleased facial expression. ha! We are in for it!

9.25 months old

Apparently I am only going to be updating at month milestones, or at least that's been the pattern thus far. As much as I wanted to be "that mommy blogger" that we all read, I'm ok with sporadic updates on here so cherish this for what it's worth! Ha!

Addie is now 9 months 1 week old and it has been quite a ride since my last post. At almost 8 months to the day she began to crawl, and then within that week began to pull herself up to standing. By the end of the month she was completely pulling up and holding herself up on everything...crawling still has an appeal and she is pretty good at it - but standing is apparently where it is at! Then, at just over 9 months, she started to stand on her own and can now walk behind pretty much anything. Of course she likes to walk behind her walkers and stuff, but she works with what she has and has been spotted pushing her highchair, bumpo seat, and even the dog's toy basket around the kitchen.

She continues to be social and smiles and sometimes waves. Her current favorite food is Gigi's baked ziti which is where one of these pictures came from :-) She is her daddy's daughter and pulls her shoes and socks off at a moment's notice.

Now for the important stats:

21.3 lbs (75 - 90 %tile)
29.5 inches (95%tile)
44 cm head circumference (50%tile)

7 Months

Well I have been struggling with the whole blogging thing (if anyone even reads this thing any more). I remember watching my friends who were pregnant and then had their babies. They blogged the whole way through it and I remember loving to read their updates and trying to make mental notes of things that I wanted to do once I had a baby of my own. Namely, monthly updates, funny anecdotes, you know... the stuff people actually care to read.

Flash forward to 2011. Addison is 7 months old... the last blog post I wrote was when she was 7.5 weeks old... I barely have any video of her (although Lee likes to say that my facebook is "littered" with Addie pictures).

I have had many a blog post in my head.... some even witty I might add. But somewhere in the shuffle I kept not posting... and then it was too late... who posts a 6 month update 3 weeks afterward?

I started to feel really guilty... I'm not really a "cute" scrapbooker - I did do Addison's first scrapbook with her birth, NICU, and her first week at home... but it all stopped there (as evidenced by the massive pile of "keepsakes" that are on my ever growing scrapbook pile!)

I'm not one for New Year resolutions... mainly because my ADHD self hardly ever keeps to them after the first day or so... what can I say? But if I've learned anything since becoming a parent - it's to try to chill out and just enjoy life.

I can say that though I feel guilty because I didn't blog like I set out to - but I did spend the last 7 months thoroughly enjoying Addison and our new life together.

I've loved watching Lee become a Dad and how enthralled he is with Addison.

I love walking into her room on weekend mornings and seeing her smile when she sees me and kick her feet.

I love taking time to do things with Addie - go shopping, cook, roll around on the floor with her.

I can see all of the blog posts that were "meant to be" in my head anyways... and have countless amounts of pictures to catalog the first 7 months anyway.

So suffice it to say that I am probably going to continue to choose to spend my free time with Addie - and not feel guilty for not blogging or doing more of the things that "the good moms" do. I'm not a real fru-fru/granola-y type anyways :-)

But I would be remiss if I didn't post some info about our baby girl...

7 Months:
28.5 inches
19.2 lbs
still has a little "peanut" head

learned to hold her own bottle around 6 months
eats pretty much anything but especially likes black beans, peas, prunes, bananas, avacado, teething biscuits, alphabet crackers, and baby cheese doodles.
can almost pull herself up to standing from the floor
can pull herself up to standing when sitting on a toy
sat up 3 days before 6 months
tries really hard to feed herself but is doing more to bond with the puppies than gain any sustenance

sleeps from 730/8pm until 8am
takes 1-2 naps a day

laughs, giggles, plays peekaboo, likes to be tickled, and loves her jumperoo still, loves the puppies and smiles and laughs when they walk by; coos and babbles when she is excited, bored, or happy